Recently we went on a mini vacation. It was amazing and desperately needed! Bisbee is a cute little artsy/touristy town less than 2 hours from Tucson. Originally a mining town, it has some nice historical things to check out, as well as fabulous food, window shopping, a generally quirkiness to enjoy.
This was our first visit, and we had no real plans other than relaxing and drinking Mexican Mochas. Highly successful with both! I'd been apprehensive about leaving Truby, she's had a hell of a year health-wise, but I'm glad I did. I know she's in good hands and constantly monitored, plus I asked our barn buddy A to give her some soaked hay pellets and cookies every day. A is an amazing horsewoman, and nothing gets past her eagle eyes!
Copper Mine - Lavender Pit
One evening we were eating passion fruit cheesecake and watching Men In Black 4, when I got a text from the barn owner. It simply said "Angel isn't doing well, call me". Now, Angel isn't my horse, but she lives next to Truby. I thought I'd better call just in case she mixed up the names by accident. When I called her, she launched straight into "well, Angel isn't doing great, EB said..." I waited for her to finish, and then asked "But, Angel, not TRUBY, right?" There was a long pause, and then she said "I'm gonna call you back!"
Literally me, and I don't even have wine
A few minutes later, she called back, totally embarrassed. She had the right horse, but her brain immediately connected "sick grey horse" to "Beth". I laugh about it, but I'm also crying. She apologized several times, but I just laughed and told her no worries, I'd recently heard from A before the text/calls and knew Truby was okay. I thanked her for the laugh and wished Angel well.
I'm grateful for the timing - had I not heard from A first I might have freaked out a little. (HA, I would have definitely freaked out a lot!) As it happened, I got a good laugh and got to finish my cheesecake in peace. Truby was great while we were gone, and sulked for two days when I got back. Mares are so dramatic! Oh, and Angel is fine too. Apparently she was super mad about a change in hay, speaking of dramatic.
Our BFF massage therapist has been out for awhile with some health issues, so it's been a few months since Truby's last massage. With just time, and then everything she's been through recently, I noticed her looking a little stiff and sore. A couple times I've looked around for a new bodyworker, but ugh, It's so hard! My stress level has been turned up to 11, which didn't really help my motivation.
Luckily, after a late afternoon walk on the Loop, I saw one of the other horses wearing a BEMER blanket. Since I'm clever, I asked the person in the stall in she was a bodyworker, and when she agreed she was, I told her I'd put Truby away and then come back to ask her some questions if she didn't mind.
She didn't, and after chatting a bit, we set up an appointment. I warned her Truby can be restless and impatient, but is never mean. She was unconcerned and said she could definitely work around that.
Super cute in her therapy blankie
She started by just hanging out with Truby and making friends while I gave her Truby's history, which has been exciting recently (facepalm). She carefully eased the blanket on and let her cook. Truby didn't mind it at all, and happily munched her hay. Afterwards, she gave Tru a thorough massage, checking all over. Truby mostly just kept eating, but occasionally needed to walk off a bit and process. She was less fidgety than I thought she'd be.
The report was good: some soreness in the major muscle groups, but not anything unusual or concerning, she just needed a little massage to loosen it back up. She was impressed with her range of motion, and thought it was excellent for an older horse. There wasn't a dramatic before and after, in my opinion, but there isn't always. Truby was happy, and moving nicely afterward. New bodyworker was fun to be around, and she was great with Truby, the most important thing! She was much more expensive than I'd hoped, but it was okay to try out the BEMER technology and try someone new. She was totally understanding with us having a regular person I hoped to stay with, and didn't seem bothered that we might not stay with her or be frequent with appointments. I definitely appreciated that!
I hope our BFF massager is able to continue taking care of Truby, but it's good to know there's someone we can rely on! There's another person I have bookmarked to try maybe in a couple of months. So I'll revisit that later, depending on how Truby is feeling and how BFF massager is doing.
A few days after her seizures, I started seeing little flashes of Truby. A glance at where her treat ball used to hang. The press of her muzzle against my hand. Finally, a whinny when I walked over to her stall! My family member suggested that familiar things would help draw her out, so I made a point to give her all her favorite cookies (do I stock at last 4 different types and flavors of treats at all times? Totally.) I rehung her treat ball and put carrots in it every day. I brushed and loved on her. We went for slow walks around the ranch, and looked at roadrunners, cactus, and the distant horizons.
Who doesn't like to nap in the sun next to a giant metal chicken?
And slowly, but surely, Truby came back. It's now a full month later, and I can assure you, Truby is 110% herself again! She's sweet, she's a little silly. She's my magical unicorn, and my Prettiest Princess. She whinnies every time I arrive at the ranch. She begs (politely) for cookies. She can walk in a straight line, and knows where her feet are.
This would be her Tinder profile pic
But while Truby came back in leaps and bounds, I remained stuck. I was so worried about Truby, that I couldn't get out of my own trauma response and was shut down and numb. Work, oddly, was the hardest. I couldn't do my usual light hearted banter with the clients. Grooming was fine, but I just couldn't find my usual chatter, and felt lost professionally. Who was I if I couldn't be the friendly person people liked to talk to? If I couldn't joke and talk with (or without, to be honest) my customers? I didn't mind at home so much, but losing my professional personality was hard.
My therapist suggested I do for myself what I did for Truby. Love and time. And it worked. I too came out of hiding. I'm not as adorable as Truby, but I returned to myself as well. And every time I'm at the barn, I'm grateful. I realize how lucky I am to have Truby in my life.
Other than a brain tumor, we have no idea what caused the seizures. They haven't returned. Everything is fine. I don't like to think that Truby has tumors in her brain, so I decided the whole episode was caused by Mercury being in retrograde. I'm not hardcore into astrology, but it's fun as a distraction. And I'd much rather think that a stupid planet was ruining my day rather than a brain tumor. And for now, I'm trying to not think of it at all, and just enjoy my cute little grey horse, Truby!
Friday morning I was greeted by a nice grey horse. She was eating methodically, and otherwise seemed ok. She stood quietly while I did medical stuff, flushing her line, rinsing the cut on her lip, checking her vitals. She quickly ate her grain and bute, then back to her hay. All good things, but completely devoid of personality or a spark.
Less than 24 hours since her last seizure, maybe I should chill out. The bedding in her stall looked extra rumpled, but like she had struggled to get up, rather than something more sinister. Later that day, when Dr I came out for a check, she agreed. She was still very sore, and possibly had difficulty because of the catheter in her neck. Fair enough. I forgot to mention in my last post, but the day of the seizures, she listed hard to the right when walked. She had been unable to walk straight at all, instead pulling hard to the side. Today, she was able to walk straight. She was still hesitant to put her hind feet down when moving, but not as bad, and Dr I felt that was due to soreness, more than a neurological issue.
She passed all her facial checks, and generally was a-OK physically. We did some bloodwork, which came back unremarkable. There was no hint as to a cause, but also she hadn't damaged anything in the process.
Dr I was pleased with her progress, but I fretted over her missing personality. She reminded me it had only been a day...give it some time. I mulled over what my therapist had asked me the day before: what would it mean if Truby didn't come back? What would it look like?
And I guess not much would change. I certainly wouldn't get rid of her. I would keep and care for her like always. I would still love her. But I would mourn her. It wouldn't be the same, and my life would be a little duller, a little less. But I would still remember my friend, and hope she might return. I had thoughts about changing her name. Also...it had just been a day, I could try being patient and wait for her.
She was cleared for normal horse life. I would just keep on eye on her and hope for the best. I decided to use the word "hiding". Truby wasn't gone, she was hiding. It was hard to think that she might be lost inside her mind, or that what had happened was so traumatizing she needed to hide away. But that word was easier for me. Hiding was easier than 'lost' or 'gone' or 'vacant'. Hiding meant she could come back when she was ready.
Pink Swat: universal sign for 'I know my horse has an injury'
Dr I arrived, doing a wtf chant of her own. As soon as she got the emergency message, she immediately thought, I just saw that horse and she was fine. I just saw that horse and SHE WAS FINE. I JUST SAW THAT HORSE. SHE WAS FINE!!! She was also alarmed by my demeanor. I'm usually pretty optimistic, good sense of humor albeit a bit dry and sarcastic. Laughter is my defense, but that day it was gone. What had just happened sat heavily on me. There was no optimism, no humor.
I showed her the video and gave her all the information I could. What EB saw, what the boarder saw, what I saw. I also thought her mouth sores were back? Dr I spun her brain trying to think about what could have happened. Worried about Vesicular Stomatitis, she checked her mouth. Things were almost fully healed, she had just bitten herself at some point. Poor girl.
She continued checking Truby over, asking questions, trying to find out what could have caused this. Disease? No. We don't have EPM, the mostly likely cause, in Tucson. I reminded her we were from the East Coast, but no one back home had reported anything since we left. Even though it can lay dormant, there would have been many more signs before causing seizure.
Food? No. Just not even a possibility. Especially with every other horse at the ranch being fine. Weeds? Maaaybe? I mentioned a particular weed Truby always wants to grab when I have her out. It was unlikely, but Dr I sent me out to get a sample. Growing up, I often went out with my dad, an entomologist and tree/plant guy. So many times I had seen him striding out, to a place only he knew of, to go find a plant or bug or whatever. I felt just like him, an image from my childhood, as I went out looking for a weed in a place only I knew.
Turns out it was just a harmless whatever, besides, the amount a horse would need to ingest of most poisonous weeds, and the timeframe...unlikely.
And on and on. Trying to find a reason. Anything and everything was discussed. All the while, Dr I was checking Truby, who stood so exhausted I thought she had been sedated. (She had been given a steroid). Once I realized she hadn't been sedated, I grew even more worried. She was so, so tired. Dr I checked for neurological issues. Everything with her face and head was great, but there was some concern about her back legs. Was something wrong...or was she just super sore and tired? It was hard to say.
In absence of a reason, we just decided to treat her with heavy anti inflammatories and IV fluids. Dr I was worried Truby might not think, or be aware enough, to drink. Thankfully she was able to swallow normally. EB said she hadn't had much to drink that morning. We guided Truby over to a good spot, and started her IV.
Ever the best horse, Truby stood quietly for the catheter to be placed. And then it was time to discuss the elephant in the stall.
Truby...wasn't there.
While she was awake and responsive to stimuli, she wasn't Truby. She wasn't anyone. Her eyes were vacant. There was no personality there. Truby wasn't home.
We waited.
Truby had shown interest in her hay, so I brought her net over. She started eating steadily. But not like Truby eats, shoving her head alll the way to the bottom of her net, creating a tight funnel of hay. Diving down, then coming back up to look around while chewing. This time she just ate the top layer. Mechanically, nonstop. Chew. Chew. Chew. Chew. Chew.
Eating was good though. She had burned a ton of calories and needed to replenish. Dr I and I chatted about nothing, she trying to distract me, me trying to be distracted. The IV flowed easily, and the sulphurous, bitter garlic smell of DMSO began to waft around us.
After awhile, Dr I decided that Truby was unlikely to seize again. The only thing to do would be to wait. let the medications do their job and wait. She gave me instructions for flushing the IV line, feeding, what to watch for, and to check in that afternoon. She would come out tomorrow, but I should call her if anything went wrong.
I stayed the rest of the afternoon with Truby. Just sitting with her, talking sometimes. Telling her what a great horse she was, how much I loved her. The fun things we had done together, how much she meant to me. Promises to love her no matter what. But please come back. I loved her so much.
I have a family member with a seizure history, and we texted a bit. She told me what it's like for her. How the feeling of dread or fear right before a seizure is normal, but during...she doesn't know what's happening. It's not scary, and she never remembers. She said afterwards she might feel cloudy and sleepy. She might not feel like herself for awhile. It passes. It helped a little.
Another boarder was out, arriving right after the vet did. Afterwards, she came over and offered company and compassion. She works in end of life care, and is a very gentle person. I appreciated her kindness. She offered to go out and get me lunch. I thanked her, but said I would go to the Circle K nearby once the fluids finished...I needed to get away for a minute. She completely understood. And when Truby finished her fluids, I unhooked her, flushed the line, and left her to her methodical eating.
I had been at the ranch for hours, with no water, not having had breakfast, and badly needing a drink. I stocked up at the gas station, and finally broke down crying on the side of the road. Hydrated but empty, I returned. Fellow boarder was still sitting with Truby, telling her stories when I returned. I was grateful she stayed, singing little songs and being with Truby. She drifted off and I sat with Truby again. Eventually I did my therapy session in her stall. Thanks to Covid, I no longer do in person therapy, instead we usually FaceTime. This time I simply called her, and began to try and process what had happened. I was drained by this point. We ended early, I was too tired, too worried.
I checked in with the vet, fluids finished, Truby had been eating almost nonstop. She walked over and got a drink twice. I drove home for dinner and an attempt at a nap. That didn't work, and I went back out to give her some extra grain for dinner, flush her line again, and sit with her. I sang her the song that finally broke me earlier. Finally, I went home and fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.
Truby's mouth continued to heal and she seemed happier than ever. Sure, not a fan of the oral rinses, but all she would go would be to walk to the back corner of her stall and wait for me to catch her, lol. Poor sweet pony. Too agreeable to be naughty! Treats afterward always help.
Thursday morning I was lazing around in my jammies, enjoying my day off and not having anything on my to-do list. When the barn owner called, I didn't even go into anxiety mode, obviously she was just calling about a possible ride to the vet for our Con-Ed adventure.
Nope. Not even a little.
Apparently Truby had collapsed twice and I really should get over there.
I told her I was on my way, and changed into real clothes while calling the vet. Told them I had a Truby Emergency but wasn't really sure what was going on, just that she had collapsed? and would call with an update as soon as I got there. While I was talking to them, one of the boarders called, she had seen Truby collapse and wanted to make sure I was contacted. She sounded pretty freaked out and told me she'd wait for me.
To be honest, I wasn't terrible worried at this point. But as I got closer to the barn, dread set in. I became absolutely convinced today would be the day I euthanized Truby.
I never talk on the phone while driving, but on a desert road, trying not to drive too fast, I called our BFF Jena, even though she hates calls, to ask if she could meet me at the barn. Just in case.
I parked near the Grey Horse Pod, and was greeted with Truby's usual whinny. O-kaaaay. That sounds fine? Walking into her stall she seemed ok. The boarder was watching her, and told me what she saw as I began checking Tru over. She had be working her horse in the arena and happened to see Truby fall. She laid down for a few minutes, then jumped up, kinda bounced around for a minute and then fell again. She said it looked like the HYPP attacks her old horse used to get. And while Truby has some Quarter Horse in her, none of it's even close to HYPP carriers.
American Paint Horse, with some QH on her papers.
No HYPP
Other than breathing a little shallow and quick, Truby seemed fine. I thanked the boarder profusely and told her I'd update her later, she could totally go on with her life, we were ok. I called the vet and told them things seemed pretty ok, but since something weird had happened, I still wanted her checked out that day if possible, but probably not an emergency.
So I was hanging out, allowing my panic and fear to recede. Watching Truby resting in the sun. Watching her walk a few feet into the corner of her stall. Watching, amused, as she reached down to rub her nose on her ankle. Watching, and realizing the angles were all wrong. Her head was turned oddly and rigid at her neck. She was reaching down, just past her foot...and just kinda stuck there. It was super weird, so I grabbed my phone and started to take pictures.
And watching as a look of horror and fear came over Truby's expression. Like something scary was creeping up on her. I quickly switched to video, and she began trembling all over. She began crouch, her head jigging between her front legs. Back rigid, all of her muscles quivering. It looked like she was trying to lay down but fighting it hard.
Then she twisted her head to the outside of her front legs, and off balance, tried to catch herself but stepping over with her back. And then she started spinning. Her entire body was either completely rigid or trembling and shaking. As she begun to spin faster, I stopped recording to try and keep myself safe, and keep her from crashing into the fence.
After what felt like forever, but was less than a minute, she finally stopped. She had been able to avoid falling, and stood exhausted, head down, confused.
EB was in the stall next to us, and we shared a long, horrified look. I immediately emailed the video to my vet, and then called them. I told them I don't know what exactly just happened, but I sent them a video and I needed a vet WTFNOW. Realizing something Very Bad was happening, they had Dr I just finishing an appointment and would send her ASAP. 30 minutes. They'd forward her the video.
That done, I focused on Truby. She was still. I gently stroked her and talked to her. Told her Dr I was on the way, she loved Dr I, and she always made Truby feel better. She'd take care of her and everything would be better. Of course. Of course Dr I would make it better. She'd be here soon.
EB and I caught each other's eye again, and he told me that that's exactly what had happened earlier. He saw the whole thing. Using the most English I've ever heard from him, and some pantomime, he relayed the stiffness in the neck, her head. The shaking and spinning. Just that this time she hadn't fallen. Triste. Sad. She had looked sad afterwards. Yo entiendo. I undersand, I told him. My spanish is far too limited, but I was able to understand what he was telling me.
He continued to clean stalls, keeping a worried eye on Truby, taking his time to stay nearby. I texted my work. Truby Emergency. I wouldn't be in tomorrow. Cancel all my appointments, if anyone has a problem tell them to fuck right off. I almost never call out of work, so they knew it was bad. Most of my day was regular request customers, who had no problem rescheduling, and sent best wishes. One was new, and bitched, and was told, politely, to fuck right off.
I was freaking out, obviously. I sent the video to our farrier, desperate for someone to talk to. I'm sure she was either trimming horses or driving to her next appointment, but texted with me, helping to pass the time. Finally, I heard the vet pull up.
This year has been Monsoon CRAZY! We ended up with the third wettest monsoon season since recording began, with something like 13 inches. I could get the exact total, but I'm too lazy. This was my first year getting to experience a real monsoon season, and it was pretty great. It's hard to explain just how fast, and how instense, a little bit of rain gets out here. Mega big time runoff. It boogles my mind how an inch or less of rain can transform into the raging washes, but it sure does!
15 minutes of rain and this usually dry mini-wash is roaring
The downside of a good season is it's humid AF. Not as hot as usual, low 100s, but humid. By the end of August, everyone, especially the horses were tired of the weather. It had been too hot, too humid, too buggy (SO buggy!!) and we were tired of it.
So when Truby seemed a bit grumpy I assumed it was just being done with the weather and needing a break. And a good massage. During her massage, she started licking...and chewing...and...foaming?!
Kinda weird
I thought maybe she got some fly spray in her mouth, and gave her a good rinse. Then a few days later, I got caught at the barn by a intense storm. Heavy, hard rain. Hail. Strong winds. Flooding. It was crazy! Horses did not mind, not even a little. I watched them dozing through the thunder. And once it finally started to pass, they woke up and went back to their hay.
Hail!
Playing with her carrot ball to wait out the rain
Turnout area was flooded
I popped a couple of carrots in Truby's carrot ball toy, and noticed she started getting foamy again. What the heck?! Was there pesticides on the carrots? I rinsed her mouth again. And, since I was completely head to feet soaked through, decided to go home.
Went the long around to avoid this dude
A couple days after that, I was giving Truby her hay pellet soup, and noticed she wasn't right. The angle of her head, the way she was slurping...it just was slightly off. So I did what I should have done a week and change ago, and pried open her mouth and took a look.
Awwwww :(
She had a couple little sores, in places she couldn't get them from biting herself. No idea where she could have gotten them from. But I had a horse get into some foxtail and it was BAD. I set up a vet appointment so we could see what was going on. Of course, by the day before, the little sores I could see had almost completely healed. But scared by the Foxtail Incident, I keep the appointment.
Time to get HhhhiiiiIiiiigh
Truby got a ton of cookies while we chatted about what was going on (Truby's adorable and loves snacks, so she always gets cookied.) Then Dr H had to rinse her mouth a few times, because someone had a ton of cookie crumbs. She got a light sedation, just enough that we could get a good look without anyone losing a finger by accident.
OUCH
Poor Truby had a mouth full of sores, cuts, and assorted ouchies. Luckily everything was already in the process of healing. But still, poor Pretty Princess! No wonder she had been acting lackluster. Best we could figure is that she got a random patch of prickly weeds in her hay. Our hay is usually fabulous, but sometimes weeds happen. And in Arizona, of course it's gonna be prickly.
In addition to checking her hay for weeds, Truby would get a rinse of chlorohexidine every day. We got to talking about her ulcers, and I mentioned what a magic bullet sucralfate was for her. Dr H lit up and we added in a dose of sucralfate being split into an oral rinse and ingest the rest. This helped her comfortable level so quickly it was incredible. Love that stuff!
Dr H was mentioned the vets would be doing some continuing education, and looking for horse volunteers. They got a new scope and would be learning how to do gastroscopes. When thinking up who might be a good candidate for scope practice, Truby's name came right up (lol, sob). Would I like to bring her in and get a free scope? HELL YES I WOULD! Let's do it!!!!
So by the time Truby finished waking up, we had a plan for her regular fall shots/exam that Saturday, and then in two weeks to be the Continuing Ed volunteer.
Rolly, rolly, rolly
The next day, Truby was already feeling so much better. Sometimes I wonder if I make up what a special personality she has. Maybe she's not the super cute, friendly, magical unicorn I think she is.
Nope! She totally is. She was just feeling bad. A few rinses, a little sucralfate, and a break in the weather brought back my super cute unicorn.
is perfect unicorn
While I felt kinda shitty for letting almost 2 weeks go by before thinking "maybe something is actually wrong", I'm glad I finally figured it out, and had the vet come out and check her. Horses always seem to find the most random things to hurt themselves with!
A few days later, my vet had a mini vaccine clinic at the ranch. Truby and I walked around, enjoying the cool breeze and gentle sun until it was our turn. We met up with Dr I, and Truby got her shots and cookies. Other than recommending a little more weight across her topline (we've been working on this All Year), Truby was in great health. Dr I was especially tickled by her sparkly hoof boots. We've been rocking our sparkle boots due to some rain induced thin soles.
Trust me, they're sparkly!
I tucked Truby away, happy knowing she was happy, healthy, and healing. Her mouth looked great. Her vets love her, and Truby always enjoys hanging out with people. The weather was beautiful. All was well with my little world.
