And We're Back!

I ended up taking a bit of a life break. I've been working hard, which is often physically hard, but with Covid Life, it's also mentally and emotionally draining. Some weeks are much worse than others, depending on how frustrated the local populace is. Sometimes it's been all I can do to make it through the day, hug Truby, and then blankly stare at whatever on Netflix until it's time for bed. Often that also leads to 4 or 5 hour naps on my days off, because dear god, I'm exhausted! 

ohmergherdMELONS!!!!

Knock on wood, things are slowly getting easier. Last week, after a draining day, I realized that other than my coworkers (who I'm friendly with, but not friends), everyone I talk to on a regular basis works from home. Somehow, just realizing that the people I talk with the most have no idea what life is like for me actually made me feel better? The mind is weird, and if that realization relieves some of my burden, I'm just gonna go with it.

We've gotten in a few Loop rides

It's also been hot with a capital HOT. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, as Arizona is known for its dry heat. But yeah. It can also sap your will to live. Between work, Covid Life, and the heat, Truby's mostly been enjoying the summer off. She and Cinco are still BFFs. 

Frens

We have had a couple of adventures that I want to share! Truby seems to have finally overcome her coughing, which I haven't blogged about yet because I kept wanting "a resolution" and kept not getting one and as time went on it was weirder and weirder to just jump into it. 

We also had our first saddle fitting experience, which was awesome!

She's getting so relaxed and comfortable on the Loop

makes me swoon a little

Truby doesn't seem to mind the heat, which is fantastic and a relief! She's still wrapped up in her fly PPE, which also provides some UV protection. She enjoys sunbathing, even when the boys are standing in the shade, under their fans. 

Monsoon is finally, finally upon us. We've gotten a couple of good storms, but it does mean  it's far more humid than usual. Which...is extremely unpleasant. Is it not enough to be over 100 degrees? Does it need to be humid too?! Actually...it does, to enable to monsoons to monsoon, but still! 

Will mug for cookies

Anyway, Truby and I are doing just fine. Tomorrow morning she gets her little hooveses trimmed and then maybe a little stroll around the property before it gets too hot. Then she gets some watermelon snacks and to relax and do Truby things for the rest of the day. 

I'll probably share some watermelon with her <3 

Things That Need to be Said

Like many people, I've been shocked and horrified as I watch the news unfold over the last week. I'm not surprised. This country has been heading for this for a long time. Several of my favorite bloggers have written posts recently that convey their shock, despair, and stance much better than I will, but I still want to add another tiny voice to the crowd.

I grew up in Maryland. My family moved their from Northern Virginia when I was 5. While I can't say much about what it was like growing up in VA, I learned quite a bit growing up in Maryland.

MD is obsessed with being "neither North, nor South", and how they saw both sides of the Civil War as "brother literally turned against brother".

But education was definitely geared towards the Lost Cause, and heavily favored excusing and sympathizing with the South. Since our county had several areas important during the war, and our close proximity to Gettysburg, we studied the Civil War every. single. year. 

Mostly we learned that the south were really just good guys that didn't want to be bullied by the evil jerkface North. Those northern assholes were really terrible. The South was a great place. Slavery was a teeny tiny reason for the War, and that was stressed heavily. Very few men owned slaves, and of course, the ones that did treated them like long lost sons. Etc.

Even as a child I knew that was wrong. I don't know how. I wasn't terribly studious. My dad is a Civil War buff that favors the South. The area I lived in was steeped in low key racism. But I knew what I was being taught wasn't right.

The area I lived in was a more rural area than nearby Baltimore. I think there were only 3 Black students when I was in high school, out of maybe 1,500 students. I don't think I knew a single Black person when I was young.

But oh, boy, we were racist. I remember my dad chuckling awkwardly the first time we drove past Coon Club Road. He wouldn't explain why, but I've learned that's his "this is funny but I know it's racist af" laugh. I heard often of "those people" that live off handouts because they're lazy and wont get a job, and how they live better than us white people who work hard for what we have. I heard this in seventh grade in class.

I heard whispers and rumors and jokes that I didn't understand. Well. I understand them now. At the time they made me uncomfortable but I didn't really understand them and I didn't know what to do. I heard people tell their neighbors the better not sell their house to "those people" and ruin their "good neighborhood".

As I grow older and more aware and learn about how the world really is, the easier it is to see how deeply inbedded racism is in this county. It's insidious. We might all smile at church and say we're not racist because we have "a Black friend", but damn...that racism comes right out after a beer or two. Or when telling jokes with friends. Family Thanksgiving dinner. When POC appear in our white spaces. It's so easy to scratch off that thin veneer of acceptance.

I remember a few years ago during the Baltimore riots. I read what my friends posted on Facebook. It was disgusted. They never once even tried to find out what might have been behind them. It was just BLACK PEOPLE BAD, DESTROY THEIR OWN HOMES. Why people might have decided to do what they did. They were so angry that Black people would dare act out in any way. Hadn't we given them everything?! How dare they complain - those lazy bastards that live off our tax dollars. And on and on.

After a while, I gave up trying to explain and just unfriended people that I never knew that so much hatred and racism in their hearts.

I recognize I am incredibly privileged. I will never have any idea what it's like to be a Black person in this country. I will never come close to understanding what it's like to have the deck stacked against me. To find out that even white people I thought were my friends have hidden hatred just because of my skin. I know my skin tone protects me. I benefit everyday from being white in ways I'm not even aware of.

As I grow older, I do my best to learn. I know I've done racist things. I hope that it's because I didn't know better. I'm embarrassed to know that. I'm embarrassed by beliefs I have. I didn't even know I had them. I guess it seeped in during childhood. I didn't know know they were there until I looked inside. I'm learning how to be better. How to think better. How to act better.

Here in Tucson, our racism is more focused on Hispanics and immigrants, for obvious reasons. Being here, I've learned about the horrors of ICE and Border Patrol how they treat those coming into this country, illegal or otherwise. But when a barbershop opened a couple stores down from where I work, I learned that good ol' Black racism is alive and well here. They have a substantial Black clientele, and I love them. Teens and young guys will come out and take selfies to show off their new hair. The staff sometimes come by our shop to talk about business, and sometimes we groom their dogs.They're a cheerful, friendly group and we all like them. But some of our clients are afraid. They come in clutching their pearls because 'some...guy' (yup, with a pause where Black or something else would be) said Hi. or told them their dog was cute. One woman was afraid to go to her car. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Why?! Because there were two Black guys talking  half the strip down and they called good morning, that's a cute dog! to her.

So yeah. We're a clusterfuck of hidden and not so hidden racism. I don't even know where to go with this. It's just a ramble of wtf thoughts.

To me, it's incredibly obvious why there's so many protests. The rage and pain is overwhelming and has finally spilled over. Not only the rage and pain from those men and women wrongfully murdered by the police, but of the decades of injustice and cruelty dating all the way back to when slaves first were dragged to this county. That's generations of bottled up emotion and ???

I'm humbled and grateful to see the peaceful protests. To see communities come together to grieve and heal. Seeing the police working together with those people is amazing. Seeing the police kneel in front of protesters, powerful.

But dominating that is the insanely aggressive actions in other areas. Watching videos and reading accounts of police deliberately attacking, shooting,, tear gassing protesters, press, old and young is TERRIFYING. 

Seeing the hatred and hostility spilling out of all the closet and not so closet racists is terrifying. Seeing police chiefs and military leaders foaming at the mouth, desperate to rampage and destroy the very citizens they're supposed to protect and care for is so scary I can barely think about it after I've read/watched it. These men in high position are so eager to go out kill anyone, anyone at all...and here's an excuse. Here's the chance. They can finally act out their fantasies of slaughtering anyone they don't like. Black, Hispanic, gay, the press, 'libtards', anyone and everyone. Now's their chance. And all the time being egged on by the psychopath in the White House.

I don't even know how to begin to express the fear and terror and anxiety *I* have, and I'm not a target of their rage. I can pass as a 'nice white girl'. I'm safe. And I'm still so scared. To be a POC or minority of any kind...I cannot even imagine.

I beg my fellow white people to first shut the hell up and listen. Listen to what Black people have to say. Listen to their pain. Their fears. Their silences. Next, learn. There's tons of information easily accessible on systemic racism. On why #black lives matter, on why this is happening. Listen. Learn. And begin to change. Change how we think. How we act. What we say and do matters. Every little joke or sly winkwink whatever matters. Ask how you can help. How you can do better. And it might be to do nothing. We might have to shut up and stand aside and let people grieve and heal and rage without us tromping all over. Be Honest. We need to stop lying. Our history is so whitewashed and sanitized that it's almost a work of pure fiction. We have to be honest about how our country was founded. How it was built. We need to teach and learn from history as it actually happened, not some mostly made up fairy tale to make ourselves feel good.

Don't badger that one Black person you know to help you. It's not their job to educate you and direct your journey to antiracism and allyship. Be there if they want to talk. Shut up if they don't. But do your own research. Read the books, watch the documentaries, read the websites.

Buzzfeed has a compilation that's a good place to start. And one of my fav bloggers L. Williams at Viva Carlos recently put up a post on allyship that's helpful.

I apologize for this post being rambly and ineloquent. There's more that can be said. I'm tired and scared and ashamed. I'm also learning, and it's uncomfortable. But it's worth a little discomfort to make the world better. To make everyone I encounter feel safe. I hope that we finally listen and make the changes that must be made. And I'm going to do everything I can to help that hope along.

Ending On a High

I think Arizona has given up any attempt at quarantining or staying at home. Our return to 'normal' is a mess, with nonsensical reopenings of stores and dining rooms, all well before our 'safer at home' policy ends. My eyes hurt from rolling them so much.

Whatever. 

I start back to work on Sunday. To make our space a little safer and comply with social distancing, we're all working one fewer days a week, so it seems a little less intimidating than going back full time. My schedule for the first few weeks is rough, but I'm ready. My stuff has been cleaned, sharpened, and replaced as necessary. 

I've really enjoyed my month off. I know lots of people struggled and were put in a bad place because of all this, but I am very lucky, and very fortunate to not have experienced hardship. I got to spend a lot of time with Truby, do some reading, and increased my home cardio and yoga practices. 

I did happen to see a video on facebook that led to some fun. It was posted by The German Riding Instructor, and it was hilarious! (The Darth Vadar one.) So I decided to follow him, and a few days later saw that he was doing online horse shows. 

Truby and I don't do jumping, or fancy dressage, so I ignored it. Then later I saw he also had a class called Living Room Classics - for those who couldn't see their horses. I definitely pretended to be a horse or riding a horse and jumping over sofa cushions and old tomato planters as a kid, so I thought that was a great idea. 

But I didn't really want to enter, because I didn't think I could do anything better than what the video he posted did. 

And then he mentioned he wanted to be creative. He wanted costumes. And I realized...

*I* have a costume

So I hatched a plan. At first I was going to do it in my apartment, as a Hunter Derby. I had a whole thing set up. I had a trot fence, I was going to go out on the balcony for a hand gallop, it was going to be great.

My husband was not as excited, and refused participate, which meant no one to film. So I went to plan B, which was to do it at the barn, with M, Cinco's owner, helping.

We. Had. A. BLAST! 

After taking the horses for a 2 mile hike in the desert and doing barn chores at the end of a hot Tucson day, we gathered what things we could use for jumps and started putting ideas together. I thought it would be fun to have it by Truby's stall so she could be in the background but she noped out of that pretty quick. 

Anyway, we laughed hysterically the entire time. At one point I asked M if, when she was risking her life working in a hospital, having a criminmal lack of PPE, and facing a pandemic...if she thought "thank god I'm doing this so people can stay home and make videos like this!" 

She thought for a second, and just started laughing again. Making the video was a much needed stress relief for both of us, and it was totally worth the entry fee to have had so much fun during a scary time. 

I sent it in, and didn't hear anything for awhile. Didn't see anything on the facebook page. Decided maybe it wasn't as funny as we thought, and let it go. We had such a good time, it was well worth it. Didn't really need anything else.

And then I got an email asking for my facebook and instagram names. I don't instagram, but I sent in my fb name. Got excited. Maybe I had won something- how cool would that be?!

And then I woke up and saw that I had won! Me! My silly video I did with my friend! Whooooo! 

AND THEN I WATCHED IT

He mentioned he did some editing. He couldn't show it the way it was sent in. Hmmmm? I was so curious - what did he do???? I thought...maybe he added in like comic "wham" and "pows". Commentary?  

What he did transformed it from a funny video me and my friend did into a masterpiece. I'm pretty sure this will be the coolest thing I will ever be a part of. My ultimate contribution to society. The height of my creative talent. 

And I'm totally okay with that. This is a good way to peak. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Not Ready

It's been another lazy week. Truby and I had a few nice trail rides, and a couple so-so arena rides. As I start expecting more work from Truby, I'm discovering she has Mare Opinions. Most of those opinions are about how she doesn't want to do things like work harder, and not jiggy trot near gates. 

I'm having a hard time explaining to her that it would be nicer if she did things like move straighter, yield away from pressure, and try to be supple. And that jiggy-giraffing near the arena gate has got to stop. 

Unplanned, bareback stroll down the backyard trail

So unplanned I forgot to put on her riding fly mask,

and had to grab her mask on the way to the mounting block

We're doing baby work. Little leg yields, little softenings. Trying to correct excessive crookedness (in both of us!) but not demanding perfection. Most of it is at the walk, and slowly adding in trot as she feels comfortable. Both of us are really increasing our fitness, and I'm remembering how to ride. I feel like I belong on a horse again. It's exciting!

She's thrilled

I've learned she likes little thumpthumps with my ankle, rather than a long press or even a thumpthump with my calf. She's learning to be chill as we walk up to a gate. I'm also learning to trust her to be enthusiastic approaching a gate and not assume she's going to get jiggy. Truby is learning she has to do a little more than plod along like a nose-to-tail trail horse.

We can still nose-to-tail plod on occasion

A few days ago we joined M and Cinco on the Loop. It was one of the first 90 degree days and we were all feeling a little blah. Cinco and Tru both delighted us with a lazy, head down, ears up, gentle stroll. They were happy, and happy to be totally chill. 

Leading on Lap 2

We ended up walking two laps. The last couple of times were went out, we walked an extra quarter around the Loop to drop L and Dixie off at their driveway, so Truby's learning that we don't always walk around once and then are done. She was a little confused that we were continuing around again, but was pretty game. Cinco stopped for some itchy time, and we got to venture by ourselves a bit. 

There was a ton of bunnies and quails and other flying birds, all out and about, but neither horses spooked at them, or even startled. So brave!

Truby was TIRED afterwards

This morning I hadn't expected to ride, but I beat the barn guy, so I hopped on Truby for some on the farm wandering. She strode out strongly, but not obnoxious. She didn't rush towards any of the gates like she had been, and we had a nice time going through the turnouts and down the backyard trail. There were lizards all over, and they would scatter from our path into the dried grass. Truby didn't even BLINK. Even when the chonky lizards went by. 

She's just so pretty

Of course, it's almost May in Tucson, which means it's basically summer. The flies are out. The sun is out. Humidity is gone. And it's getting hot. Last week was the first of the 90s, and while we barely avoided hitting 100, it should start happening later this week. 

I guess I might as well go back to work

if it's gonna be this hot

My plan this week is to get ready to return to work. I've been setting my alarm, getting up early and getting dressed and going out. Yeah, it's out to the barn, but I'm using it as practice. Still waiting for an official yay or nay on the end of the stay at home order. Definitely going to miss all my free time, and midday naps. And I'm also worried about Wave Two: The  Covid Returns. 

Truby and I are snacking on disinfecting wipes. 

At first it was to try to clean our insides, but they're kinda addictive

and we're snacky. 

Trail Riding

Over the last few weeks the flies have been coming out, and now they're regularly out and about. Not peak season yet, but plentiful and annoying. Both Truby and I have stronger reactions to fly bites out here. Nothing super bad for me, just itchy, but Truby will break out in hives, and is, actually, allergic to flies. Over the last few years, her fly protection has evolved from just a fly mask, to a fly sheet, to a sheet with a neck cover...and this year, fly boots! 

She seemed annoyed the first day I put the boots on, I could feel her rolling her eyes. A couple years ago I tried the fly boots with horizontal velcro straps and a cloth mesh. She stomped them much more than she was stomping flies, so I gave up. After finding out she's legit allergic to flies, I decided to give these mosquito mesh boots a try. They're super lightweight, and only have a single vertical strip of velcro. She might give me some side eye, but they don't bother her at all and have stayed in place. 

She wasn't amused by the increase in fly protection

This week we went on a couple trail rides, and Truby's been fantastic. She's got the Loop down, and feels safe and solid to ride there. And she loves it! 

One of M's friends recently moved her horse to a barn nearby, and it has a trail that leads to the Loop as well. She met us where the trails meet. When Truby saw there was a new horse, she got super prancy, head straight up, back hollow...ugh, I HATE that! M stopped to chat, and I didn't think Truby would be calm enough to stand, but she surprised me - after a few moments she relaxed. She lowered her head and raised her back back into her normal carriage. And while M and L caught up, Truby and I just hung out and felt very proud of ourselves. After a few more minutes, we headed along the Loop, and L went back to her barn. Truby stayed relaxed and we had a lovely ride. 

The cactus in front of M and Cinco is

my FAVORITE cactus

Just being the best Truby <3 

A couple of days later, we met up with L and Dixie again. This time they joined us on the Loop. When we reached them on the trail we kept walking and they merged in the group smoothly. No fuss, no drama. After a bit Truby and Dixie switched places (Cinco is afraid of Dixie, so we were buffer.) It was nice. A relaxing ride with friends!

New friends, L and Dixie

The next time we went out, I decided not to ride. I had picked a huge fight with my husband and was really upset. Plus the wind was brisk and on occasion, gusting. The combo seemed like a bad set up for a ride. So I went on foot with Truby. I don't regret it, there was some spooky moments, and I definitely was distracted. But you know, we still had fun, and it was good to stretch my legs and get some sun. 

Plus, I got to see this guy! He was huge. 

Horney tailed lizards are also a symbol of good luck.

Just being the best Truby Trail Horse

She's so proud of herself. 

We're both loving our trail rides

So all in all, it's been a good week. Husband and I resolved our fight. M and I did something SUPER FUN that I'll share soon. Adding a new friend to our trail ride went easier than I could have ever imagined. Truby's really turning into a nice little riding horse! I'm so proud of her.

Happy 20th Birthday, Truby! (a day late)

Okay, first off, let's pretend it's yesterday. Okay? Okay!

Hey guys! Welcome to April 11, 2020! It's also Truby's TWENTIETH birthday! For Truby's special day, it was cool and breezy, and we even had some rain showers in the late afternoon. Although we couldn't have a party this year, Truby still had a pretty special day, with lots of treats for her and her friends, a long grooming session with extra currying, and lots of snuggles. 

Happy birthday to my absolute prefect, prettiest princess! Every year she only gets more amazing. She's a friend and teacher to all that meet her, and I can barely believe I'm lucky enough to have her in my life<3 

wee 5 day old baby Truby

5 months old and still a wee baby

Making friends with the DONKS
DONKS DONKS DONKS!

Just being a pretty princess

"C" is for omgCOOOOKIESSS!!!!

Blizzard fun with her friends in PA

 Our first ride at Saguaro Park East

 Is that a cookie for ME????

Pfffft :P 

Better with every year <3 

It's Been A Week. I Think.

“Look, I’m a stupid hooman, derp der der, 

STAY SIX FEET AWAY FROM ME STUPID HOOMANS WITH JERMS!!!!

To be honest. I'm not actually sure what day it is, as time has lost all meaning. I remember what I think was last week. I went to work on Friday (which is my "Monday"). I did what I do, including making reminder calls for the next day. There was joking "as far as we know, Fluffykins has an appointment tomorrow at 11am, hope to see you then!!!". Friday evening I was scrolling through facebook and saw that the mayor of Tucson had closed all non essential businesses. Whhhaaat??? 

These two will NOT social distance >.< 

A quick text to my boss and some searching later, I found out that Tucson and a couple other cities had done a 6pm Friday announcement to try and get around our governer, who thinks everything is fine. 

This is my FAVORITE quote:

"I think we are shut down," the Republican governor said during a KTAR radio interview Friday afternoon. "I think people are indoors... there's very little traffic on the I-10," he said, describing the view out his office window from atop the Arizona Capitol complex."

I was really hoping we weren't going to try and ride the gray area of "essential" as per the definition of the governor (whose definition was already criticized for being overbroad) but fortunately the right decision was made, and just like that I wasn't going to work the next day. Or for quite awhile. 

So I did what I do, and spent a lovely weekend with Truby. We went for a nice ride in the turnout pasture, which is almost like going on a trail ride. The weather is perfect - sunny and warm - perfect for doing horse stuff. 

On Monday, the gov caved to pressure and announced a statewide 'stay at home' order. I took Truby for a walk down the wash, and hit the grocery store one last time. I also checked in with the barn owner and asked how she felt about me still coming to the barn. She sounded surprised, but pleased, to have been asked, and assured me we could continue to come and go as usual. I'm SUPER lucky to have Truby at a private barn, where it's just me, another boarder, and the owner. 

Visiting the wash

So that's been my week. Going to the barn, hanging out with Truby. Watching british tv shows. Gave Auri a bath and Husband a haircut. He's never wanted me to cut his hair, ever. Which is fine, I don't really want to do people. But he asked me to do it this week. First time in 16 or so years. 

I've taken it easy the past week, trying to adjust to the new normal. Since I'm not working, I want to take the time to restart my sad attempts to learn Spanish (I am so bad at trying to learn languages), maybe take some stuff offered through the Khan Academy. Maybe some of the free courses being released. Definitely increasing the cardio and yoga! And increasing the usage of KT tape. 

This sycamore at the wash is HUGE and so green!

Like most of the world, I'm trying to figure out how to live life in a different way. I'm lucky, in that I'm healthy. (SO FAR) Husband has been able to work from home, and our second bedroom has already been set up as his room, so he has his own home office. I'm not working, and had to apply for unemployment, which was a huge blow to my pride, but hopefully I'll be able to get it and with the COVID19 additional benefit, we'll be fine. Obviously being able to still leave the house AND VISIT TRUBY is a luxury that I'm not taking for granted. I know so many people can't leave the house, and definitely can't go visit their horses. You guys, I think of you every time I'm with Tru. I don't even know who you are, but I think of friends that I know are having to go horseless, and the people I don't know that are forced to be horseless, and I give Truby a hug and breathe in the horse smell just for you. 

Very happy I was able to buy carrots again!

So, even though I'm not inclined to pay much attention to our governor, I'm taking his advice. "Ducey said his order is more "holistic" than some issued in other states, and referred to the declaration as a "Stay Home, Stay Healthy, Stay Connected" order."

Staying at home for the most part. Going to the barn and being cautious and safe with my horse activities. This week I hope to do some school learnin' and feed my brain. Do some daily meditation. Try cooking some new recipes. Continue to avoid being in contact with people. Lots of hugging Truby.