And Life Goes On

Despite the fact that Sara is no longer with us, life continues on. Which is good, of course! The day after I dragged myself out to the barn first thing. Well, second thing. I had to mope around first. The heat of summer worked in my favor for once. As much as I wanted to just lay around all morning, I knew I had to leave the house before it got hot. Yay?

Single boot in the desert. Weird.  

I grabbed Truby, tacked up, and we headed over to the trail. Truby seemed happy to be out and about. She's almost at her normal walking speed when I'm riding her on the trail. Last time we went out by ourselves we walked to the first corner of the Loop, which goes right behind our barn. It also has a little turnout in the corner. So last time I used the turnout and we just had a short ride. It was a great little plan at the time, but I figured it might come back to haunt me.

And it did! We approached the corner, Windy and Cowgirl started whinnying, and Truby expected we'd turn around and head back. Instead I headed north to continue up the Loop, ready for resistance. Which I got, as Truby tried to turn around and go home instead of directly away from home. When I corrected her, she actually kicked out/crowhopped against my leg. It was kinda funny - she was mad!

I kept her walking though, and she reluctantly continued up the trail away from home. She was definitely tense though. She wasn't quite a giraffe, but she did have her head up and back in a way where I had no connection to her at all, and if I needed to use my reins I was going to have to shorten my reins to about 3 inches and do weird things to make it work. Yeah, no fun. I gently urged her on with mild seat and leg and voice. After a few hundred yards I hopped off. We'd overcome our tantrum, I'd proven my point. Rather than continue until we ran into a problem, I decided to avoid it all and walk. While I know I can ride bad behavior, spooks, and tantrums, I really DON'T want to. With a capital DON'T WANT TO. It's slower, but the baby steps Truby and I take work and are better for my wussy psyche. Oh, to be young and dumb and limber again! Still, it works for us.

Truby expected that we would head straight home, and sulked a bit when I continued along the Loop. After a few hundred yards, she perked back up and we enjoyed walking the rest of the Loop together.

Posing with a flowering Saguaro

My plan is to continue this way, slowing increasing how far I ride before switching to walking. I'll also work the tricky line of staying on as long as possible vs hopping off before a problem brews. I don't want Truby to think I'll get off if she's tense or spooky, that would be a terrible thing for a horse to learn! I also think I'll add getting back on when we get back to the trailhead and reriding areas she feels safe on. We'll see how it goes. I'm still really excited that I can go ride the trail with Truby - I don't mind taking it in tiny steps.

This cactus is on the Loop. It looks like a shy little girl 

hugging herself .

This morning she offered me flowers

Spring blooms have faded. The prickly pears are done flowering, except for a few shaded cactus. The creosote bushes have long lost their blooms. The desert is starting to look hot and dry. And then the Saguaros start to flower. The blooms are located on the crowns, and saguaros can be really tall. My favorite shy Saguaro offered me a beautiful gift at eye height. Thank you, prickly friend. 

Last year at Sabin Canyon

Last year again. Miss the big puffy clouds!

It's drrrrrrry right now.

When we got back to the barn Windy and Cinco galloped up to meet us. Cinco for fun, but Windy seems to have some separation anxiety about Truby. At least Truby seems to ignore it most of the time. Truby and I split a Gatorade to rehydrate a little, and I hosed Truby off. She enjoyed a good roll in the sand after.

I love watching her roll, she has so much fun!

The rest of last week was a mix of grieving for Sara, and trying not to fall into a depression. While I don't feel guilty or remorseful about letting her go, I do miss her. So I'm taking the time to feel sad. She may have been a little cat at only 8 lbs, but she's left a huge hole in my life. But it's okay, and it will be okay. Haiku hasn't noticed any changes. In fact, once we left that day, it's like all memory of having a cat in the house were erased. I think I'd rather go through the grieving process with all the hurt and sadness than completely forget Sara ever was. Still, it must be easier to be a cute little dog than a person! 

Sara's ashes came back and I settled her with my mom. Years ago we scattered my mom's ashes like she wanted, but I kept some to bury with her horse. I thought they would want to be together. Unfortunately I wasn't able to bury Delta and Mom's ashes are still with me. Sara lived with my mom for a number of years, and they loved each other. It's good to have them together again. Silly, but it helps. 

Hanging out together in the afterlife...or at least my curio cabinet! 

Truby being silly at twilight